what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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