I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
