Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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