mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
