Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
