Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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