She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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