I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is the high leading the old right now
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
