real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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