I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
