you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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