Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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