His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
