I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he fucked my hip out of place.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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