I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
