Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
