Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
