I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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