goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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