So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
