yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
