Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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