is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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