I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
