you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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