took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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