he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
