I am in a vortex of obligation.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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