How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
