I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I will pee on everything he values.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
