The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
