Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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