We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dick very happy bro
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
