i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
