The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
