Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
