i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
