just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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