Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
