Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
