On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
