im having a threesome with these popsicles
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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