I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
