my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
