Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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