the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
