I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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