There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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