Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
