And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
