Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
