Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
