I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
