Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
