It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
