he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
